"A Night in the Life of: Sebastian" by Toni J Kaukinen

It was midnight. A long silver braid hung just outside the third floor window, and soon a pair of lambent green eyes appeared to stare inside. Idly, Sebastian wondered why some people never locked the windows on upper floors. But the easier they made it for him, the less he minded. Usually.
        For a moment longer he hung there upsidedown from a rope, dressed in black practical clothes, which was unusual for him. Likewise strange was the caution with which he worked: with one hand the Hat picked a tool from his wide utility belt and poked the window warily with the L-shaped metal probe that had a wooden handle. Nothing happened, as he had anticipated. He placed the tool back to its proper place on his belt.
        A bit later the window opened and Sebastian carefully and quietly crept inside. As his feet touched the ground softly the hunt truly began. He didn't like it, but he was in a hurry - and he had to be cautious. The things that had been happening recently made no sense to him, but they had made him angry. Or rather, _he_ had made Sebastian angry. The Hat, outwitted by a young pup with a swollen ego!
        And if Lady Luck could be vengeful and serious, so could he.
        His plan seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary: he was breaking into the house of the richest jeweler in the city undetected and was making his way into where the jewels ready to be sold were stored to deal with the traps, before the other one could.
        But that was just it. That was the gem of his plan. And it was almost cruel.
        That was the best part.

        Nathander Walton mumbled an angry prayer to the Thiefgod of thieves, lies and deceit. There was a rope already hanging from the roof, and he didn't have to guess twice who it belonged to. Few people used silk rope, after all, and he'd suckered one of those people earlier this week. The memory still brought a broad grin to his face, but the disappointment of the man being here turned it into a sour sneer.
        The man was a divine servant of the Thiefgod himself, whereas if the Thiefgod's clergy were to be believed the Hat was a divine servant of the whimsical, sometimes even destructive Lady Luck. Contrary to all common sense, this Sebastian Fochs (most twisted it into 'Fox') courted the Lady and suffered all her ill moods - but then, the payoff had been pretty valuable, Walton mused and tossed the Hat's hook and rope over his shoulder. He used his own rope to descend to the windows, but was careful to pick a different window.
        The windows weren't trapped, and apart from a board purposefully left loose and which he almost stepped on, Walton didn't encounter anything he didn't know was there. Which was good. He had paid a man for the floor plan of the house, complete with a dizzying number of traps and a the posts of a skeleton crew of guards. Had the map been bogus, someone would have suffered.
        And when it came to the ancient fossil, Walton expected the Hat to have done the same relying stupidly on the boon of his Lady instead. He snorted. The fool.
        But a lucky one, Walton amended upon sighting the upright sleeping guard in front of a pair of sturdy doors. Behind them lay the trapped corridor, another pair of sturdy doors with a trap in them... and finally, the treasure itself guarded by a relatively harmless entangling trap. If the Hat had passed all that without disarming the traps and the guard was still sleeping, he was ready to believe in miracles.
        To Walton, it meant little of the guard lived or not - possibly more if he didn't live. He didn't allow the guard to make any sound, equipment or vocal cord-induced. Much to his surprise, the traps had been disarmed, the doors untrapped and unlocked.
        Suspicion crept slowly inside Walton's mind. What if the Hat had outwitted him by stealing what he had intended to steal, just to prove he could? And how was he going to explain to the guild of the town (and especially, to his own town's boss) that he'd pissed off somebody who they weren't allowed to talk about?
        All these thoughts disappeared the moment he pushed the doors aside, still fearing to see empty gem shelves everywhere.
        Instead, Walton saw the Hat lying on the floor in a spool of rope, wearing clothes most unfoppish and more of the practical sort. A bandanna, dark soft-soled boots and some other dark garb he couldn't see from under the rope. The gloves were the same, at least.
        Sebastian smiled up at Walton sickeningly sweetly. "Hallo."
        Walton had trouble finding something to say, but walked closer anyway. Fochs was staring up at him, lips pursed and looking quite carefree. How he managed to, Walton had no idea.
        "This is funny," Walton said finally. "Got careless again, eh?"
        "One might say that, certainly," Sebastian admitted and squirmed. "I suppose it would be too much to ask...?"
        Walton sniffed out and kicked him in the ribs. "Don't kid yourself. I wish you a happy date with the law." He moved to step past the Hat and disregarded whatever comment the half-elf was making.
        Sebastian grinned in pain and watched. Walton stepped closer to the shelves, closer, closer...
        ...snap!
        Walton hit the floor as ropes shot at him from four directions, then tangled and tied him into a tight package. Nathander sprouted curses and squirmed, but the package was too tight for him to get loose.
        Immediately after he stopped cursing he realized the half-elf was laughing and knocking the stone floor repeatedly with his heels.
        "This isn't funny, damn you!"
        Sebastian simply kept laughing. "Oh yes it is! It worked!"
        Walton blinked and struggled to see the Hat. "What?" he growled, already fearing the worst.
        The half-elf grinned sharply. "My poor common thief. Ever after you stole my medallion, I have been hounding you night and day.
        "Not ringing a bell, hmm? Just think about it, my dear little thief. How was it that your contact to acquired the plans for the house and the placement of the traps? The guards? Perhaps the man ought to have checked if I truly was a servant of the jeweler's."
        As Walton thought, a feeling of dread spread across him. But then he smirked. "And here you are, tied up as well. And the fact that you missed a trap tells me your Lady has forsaken you."
        Sebastian blinked as if surprised a few times. Yet soon he looked as carefree as ever, smiling. "No, she did not. In fact, which trap are you speaking of? The one you sprang?" Slowly and to the surprise of Walton the half-elf squeezed out of the ropes that hadn't even been tied, nor been part of the trap. "Truly, I wanted to see your face and be certain."
        This has to be a bad dream, Walton thought to himself as the boot came near his face.
        Whistling, Sebastian untied the unconscious man, located his bauble and tied Walton again, only tighter. He also made certain that there was a letter detailing the operations of the guild. It was the reason other thieves didn't talk about him - and if they did, well, it was related to an attempt to kill him.
        Sebastian almost wished they would try again. He had decidedly enjoyed chaining the last one making the attempt to a bull.
        The melody changed as he again stood on the roof. Life is sweet, Sebastian decided and dangled his medallion in front of his eyes. But his work was not over yet - he still had to plant some evidence here and there. And certainly he had to celebrate a successful prank, yes?
        Yes, he had a lot to do... and plenty of it to do with wine and roast pheasant.